Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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