I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it hurts more in the daytime
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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