All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
