I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
