I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
