The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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