dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
