I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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