On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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