Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
