shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
