just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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