Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
