i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
