News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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