wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
