I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
