i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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