Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
