I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
