Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
