I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
