Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
