awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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