Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
