so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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