my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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