I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
