Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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