the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
