I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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