Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
