I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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