Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Randomize
