So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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