he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
