ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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