Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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