im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
