I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
