I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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