This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
