I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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