So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
