im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
