you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
