We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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