In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
