I am midnight drunk by noon
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
