The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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