I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
