Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
