so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
