'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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