you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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