I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
